Mini Us' Running Around

Now, I don’t know how you all feel about babies but I gotta tell you, I am NOT one of those women who adore children and would be so honored to have an army of them running around. I love my DOGS and I’m happy with just that. I don’t feel the need to procreate and I definitely do NOT feel like I’m missing out on the joys and wonders of motherhood, which is why I bring to you this story.

Of course for privacy we will not put his real name up but we will call him Jerry.  Now once upon a time, I started dating Jerry. It was the perfect kind of dating that I was looking for. He wasn’t attached; he had his own place, a decent job and was definitely easy on the eyes.  Only drawback, he has a daughter but I can deal with that if were just “dating”….I mean, who introduces there kid to someone you’re just “dating”?????..........

During this era of my life I was a busy girl ;-) and didn’t have time for DAY dates with Jerry (If you don’t know what that is, it’s a date during the day, when you can see all of their flaws). I was out there, exploring my options and I already knew Jerry wasn’t the man I would spend the rest of my life with BUUUUUT he was someone I would be willing to spend SOME OF MY TIME with. So with that, I would only come over in the evening, spend the night and I was on my way at 5:30am in the next morning before he had a chance to leave for work. Doing this prevented the awkward morning kiss he gave, that also had the look of lust or love or whatever you want to call it. Whatever it was, it was scary, uncomfortable and I wanted no part of it.

Anyway, everything was peachy until he invited me out on a “day” date, which I had to politely decline because I was washing my laundry that day (My laundry had already been washed the night prior). Of course he said “Okay, I’ll see you tonight then”. When I got there, his daughter was sitting there playing. I’ve never met this little girl in my life and didn’t think I ever had to but there she was…..

At this point I’m irritated and completely caught off guard. Guys please know that if you’re going to introduce your fuckin daughter, give a heads up first and ASK if she would like to meet your little one. YOU GOT THAT?! GOOD, now that, that’s settled.  I decided I wasn’t going to see this inconsiderate bastard anymore. I gave him the common courtesy and spent the night with no mention of my distaste for this little stunt. Weeks went by before I finally answered his text messages, why I did it, I will never know.

With that, I was on my way to BJ’s that night. He had already started drinking, no surprise there. I’m sure he was upset that I hadn’t called or text him in a while. Anyway, I was on my second drink when I realized this fool was drunk and I would have to drive him home, ugh.

I should have called it a night right there and drove him home but he wouldn’t shut the fuck up! He went on and on about how he missed me and wants to spend more time with each other, go out during the DAY…..Then he said something that made me stop dead in my tracks.

I couldn’t think of another subject to change the mood to, so in desperation I said…..

I know, I know. It was a bad thing to say but I like I said, I was desperate! I needed a way out and this was the only thing that came to mind. With that we left to his place faster than the speed of lightning! 

Thank god he was so drunk that he passed out the minute he was in his bed.

I couldn't sleep very well all night, so I laid there in bed, staring into darkness, waiting for my alarm to hit 5:30am. 

Due to my lack of sleep, I was absolutely out of it, half asleep as I stumbled out of bed. Went to the bathroom and came back out to Jerry, still passed out. Grabbed my keys as quietly as possible and ran outta that house! Now because I hadn't slept very much at all, I probably shouldn't have driven my car home but I was too afraid to stay, so with that, I started backing my car out of the most narrow driveway, known to fuckin man!!! To no surprise, I fuckin sideswiped his house as I sped through the driveway.....did I stop to look at the damage?? HELL FUCKIN NO!!! I didn't look at my car till I got home, it was bad but hey, shit happens.

Now in my hurried attempt to leave his place, I left some stuff behind. My beautiful watch, a jacket and some make up. Have I picked them up since? HELL FUCKIN NO!! Has he called me about these said items?? Of course, many times! But there is no way in hell I am picking those things up. I politely said "don't worry about them, you can throw them away, I wont be coming back, thanks!" I've never heard from him since....THANK GOD!!!

The Landlord From HELL!!!!

At the ripe old age of 17 I decided to go out and look for a room to rent since I was tired of living with my friends Aunt. Don't get me wrong, I loved the lady and she was nothing but a sweetheart but the room I had was just too damn tiny! It was the size of a freakin closet.... So in my effort to find a new place I went online to a beautiful little website called roommates.com.......

As I scanned through numerous pages I finally came to one that caught my eye....It happened to be in Pacific Palisades, on top of a hill with a breathtaking view of the ocean, master bedroom, only one girl (Pam) living in the house, and the landlord of course. How could I pass that up? So I gave them a call....

I put on my best "I'm a cool chick that's casual and laid back" outfit and went on my merry little way. Now here is where it get's strange, Pam phoned me and says "wait for me at the gas station down the road". Now my old friend Raul who was kind enough to give me a ride is completely upset by this new bit of information. 

I jumped outta the car and made my way to Pams car. We got to the house and man was it amazing! Two stories high, lovely yard, quite neighborhood, and pleasant neighbors. What more could I ask for right? Well that all fuckin changed the minute I stepped foot into that house. I opened the front door and my jaw hit the fuckin FLOOR!!!! To my surprise this pervert was pleasuring himself, right there in the damn living room!!!

With that note, he fuckin JIZZED all over his leg!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY???!!!!

I turned around and walked outta that house! The girl Pam offered me a ride back but after what just happened. FUCK THAT! I was already traumatized! No need to put me through anything else.

I called up Raul and said "GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!!"