"FroYo"

I thought it was strange when this guy "Jose" (former Marine) from a silly little app called "who's here" suggests that we should meet up for some "FroYo". I sat there thinking, WTF is FroYo? So of course I asked him and his reply was "Frozen Yogurt". Now I'm sorry people but I'm not that fresh when it comes to abbreviations/acronyms. I know the basics such as LOL and OMG. Not to mention it was a bit of a red flag for me because why the hell would a straight guy call it "FroYo"?! Maybe it's cause we live in LA and the guys here think it's cool, I have no clue. Anyway, from his pictures he didn't look that appealing but I said to myself "maybe he looks better in person, some people don't photograph well" HA! I was absolutely wrong! I really need to stop giving people the benefit of doubt!

We ate some FroYo at Yogurtland, walked around and of course I said I'm hungry let's get something to eat. I mean if I'm going to get all dolled up and postpone my time with the roomie then this guy better feed me....LOL. I love food, what can I say...I'm a FAT ASS.

We go to a Ramen house and the minute our food gets to the table this fool says "I need to go to the bathroom". I direct him to where the restrooms are, as if I work there...I waited for at least 5 minutes when I came to the realization that his fool might have just jumped ship....
While I sat there picturing Jose attempt to jump out the window I decided to text my dear friend Jesus. We had a great little conversation that took another 5 minutes...now for you all that can't do math...that's 10 minutes total that this fool has been in the restroom. At this point my imagination is running wild! Like I said, this guy is either jumping outta the window or he's taking a shit and realized there isn't any tipi for his bunghole......hahahahaha, serves him right for taking a dump on a first date.

To my amazement he finally decides to grace me with his presence looking as if he just went for a workout and now needs a nap. This confirms the guy was either taking a shit, attempting to jump out the window with no success, or let's face it people.....jacking off. I pick options 1 & 3....LOL.
During dinner I did everything you aren't supposed to do. Such as text, talk about ex-boyfriends, tell him that you've dated several people from the military, all of which were in higher rank than him, I even talked while I had food in my mouth....and yet it didn't faze him....WTF. Next time I'm in this situation I'm going to fart and hope it's the loudest and stinkiest fart they've ever encountered.

After dinner we walked back to his car and a bouquet of lilies emerged from it...now you're probably thinking "how cute". Not really...when the streets were crowded last night and everyone was fuckin staring at the two of us as we walked to my car. Guys, pay attention! If you want to give a girl flowers, GREAT!!! but please do not bring her a bouquet of them. Make it simple, 1-3 flowers wrapped in a nice ribbon is what you want to give her. NOT A DOZEN FLOWERS on a first date....you got that gentleman? GOOD. Gave him a big hug and said "ADIOS!".

GUYS PAY ATTENTION ONE MORE TIME!!! Do not text her with shit like this! BTW this is the actual text he sent me and it was so long it came in 3 parts...Click on it and you'll be able to see it in a better view.


Until next time folks.....