Scarred For Life....

The minute I told my dear Grandma I was dating a guy that happens to be Asian, she practically got on her hands and knees to thank God. I mean the woman was so full of joy it was a bit sad......Anyway, this guy happened to be half Chinese/Half White but to my Grandma half Asian is better than nothing at all, seeing as though she's been praying for years that I come home with an Asian boyfriend.

Now to the good stuff. This poor guy (bless his heart), is also from that wonderful little Iphone App "Who's Here". You should all thank that App for all the laughter you get from it's pathetic contestants.
After talking to "James" for a week he finally asked me out on a date! Now of course at this point I'm jumping for joy! YAY! A nice guy, who's good looking, tall, Asian, great job (Sheriff). Seems like a great catch right?....you'd be surprised.....On our first date we went to dinner at some rinky dinky diner that had an amazing grilled cheese sandwich, conversation was great, he was a perfect gentleman, and the kiss goodnight was electric! So naturally I had to give him a second date, I mean who wouldn't right?! Second date we stayed at his place and watched a movie....well kinda watched a movie.....hehehe. Things got really HOT & HEAVY!!!Clothes were flying across the room till we hit the bedroom and he pulled down his underwear with his pants still around his ankles.....Ladies and Gentleman, I was stopped dead in my tracks with a cold sweat coming over me. I was no longer HOT & HEAVY, I was shocked! When I finally started breathing once again and the oxygen was finally flowing through my brain, I came to the realization that I wasn't seeing things, more like I wasn't able to see "IT"!!!!! Yup the Asian Myth is TRUE LADIES!!!!! It was the size of an expanded tampon....yeah, that tiny....I said it...

After my initial shock was over I was finally able to utter the words "I'm sorry but I can't". Naturally he asks "Why not?". I say "I'm sorry but I just can't" and again he asks why not. So I ask "do you really wanna know?".....Now gentlemen, when you hear a girl tell you those words during a moment like that, YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHY SHE CAN'T!!! But of course he would say "yes I would like to know", meanwhile his pants are still at his ankles......

After my EPIC FAIL of an attempt to hide why I couldn't have sex with him I utter the words "I'm sorry but it's just too small, I'm really sorry but I need to go home" all while I'm trying desperately not to look at his penis....if that's what you want to call it. The look on his face was classic and I knew it was only a matter of time.....
He was soo upset his voice sound more like a screech when he said "are you serious?!?!?!" Now people this guy is a freakin Sheriff so naturally I was scared but I couldn't let that show so I said "Yes, I'm sorry but I just can't fuck with that, you don't need to walk me out to my car, I can find my way, Bye".......meanwhile he still had his pants down, asking if I was serious...YES BUDDY I'M SERIOUS..lol

I drove home so fast and never spoke to him again. I was scared shitless that he might have remembered what my license plate number was so for days I didn't leave my house...I know I was just being paranoid but guys live off their egos and I just killed his. For all I know he wants revenge! I know I would because for the rest of his life he's always going to remember the me as the bitch who basically DESTROYED his EGO.
To this day nothing has happened to me, keep your fingers crossed. I hope I never run into him........